Still Life With Beer

I was a dumb college student.

2007-03-08T21:36:00.000-05:00

Yes I was, since I thought I was pretty clever when I made a bong out of a piece of fruit. But this kid..

Do Canadians Know Anything About Beer?

2007-03-08T20:18:00.001-05:00

Hey hosers, Molson wants to know. Molson is challenging Canadians to stand up and say "hell yes! We LOVE Canadian beer!", particularly Molson.

"This is a fun campaign that acknowledges our passion for beer," says Michael Shekter, Brand Director, Molson Canada. "We not only love beer, we take pride in beer brewed in Canada - and Molson Canadian is the definitive example of Canadian beer."

I'm not sure why I posted this, other than it reminds me of when I was a kid, and my dad bought an Opel Manta. I remember people, who I came to recognize as idiots, subtly giving my dad shit for owning a foreign car. Buy American, damn-it, in spite of the fact that American companies were producing Pintos that exploded upon impact (in other words, crap, or in other-other words, Molson).

So I guess my point is, if I have one, and I am not sure I do, but if I did, it would be this: good Lord Canada, I am all about loving beer, but Molson?

Now, if Molson asked Canadians to stand up for say, Neil Young, I would totally drink to that. I'd drink Molson, too. I would stand up, my brothers, to be counted among the Canadians I pretend to be when I travel abroad.

Alan Eames

2007-02-28T10:22:00.000-05:00

Beer anthropologist Alan D. Eames died on February 10. He was 59 years old. I met Alan at Ohio Brew Week, where he spoke several times on the sacred nature of my favorite beverage. We drank beer together. He was a really good guy.

Alan had an interesting personal story, some of which can be read here. I'll drink to Alan tonight. You do the same.

So, would YOU call the cops?

2007-01-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

This story from the Fort Smith Times Record: a man reported to police that someone broke into his garage and stole two six packs of beer, then left marijuana in his fridge with a note saying "God made weed, man made beer -Who do you trust?"

So, ok, I go to the garage, open my fridge for my favorite beverage, and I am greeted with a bag of weed with some crazy philosophical question. I would think, "Is this dude calling god a stoner?" I think people go to hell for that kind of stuff.

Then, of course, I would immediately call the cops. Seriously. Stop laughing.

War On Santa. Well, a prominent part of Santa.

2006-12-11T18:15:00.000-05:00

Take a look at the bottle here. If you were a kid, would you want to drink that? You bet. Nothing appeals to kids like Santa's enormous ass.

Fortunately in Maine, parents are absolved of the responsibility to monitor their children's drinking habits, as Santa's Butt Winter Porter has been banned in the state. Santa is sort of the Joe Camel of booze in Maine.

But when, I say, when will the War on Christmas beer end?

The greatest idea in hotel accomodations. Ever.

2006-11-20T15:56:00.000-05:00

There are something like 8 bazillion hotel chains in the world, and not all of them share the same name as America's favorite talentless blonde. So product differation is bit of a challenge...

Today, however, I learned that the Sheraton Four Points brand has created a program in their North American hotels called Best Brews. SFP now offers a selection of over 100 beers at their hotels properties (each hotel chooses their own menu, apparently, but it would be pretty cool to stay at a place with 100 beers).

You can book a room at these works of marketing genius by visitng their website. And put in a good word for me, I have applied to be Sheraton's Chief Beer Officer. For real.

Drink New Zealand!

2006-11-02T17:08:00.000-05:00

The best idea in aviation ever.

2006-10-17T17:22:00.000-04:00

The Indian brewing giant Kingfisher, covered in this post, has launched their own airline, called Kingfisher Airlines. "Fly the Good Times", says their website, and I bet you will. We are totally in love with this concept here at Still Life. There was a time when our editor-in-chief hated to fly, yes, hated it. The only thing that got him onto planes was, you guessed it, beer. Good wholesome beer.

Too bad that Kingfisher Airlines only flies Indian routes. But still, considering Hooters (of all things. Hooters.) has their own airlines, perhaps Bud, Coors, or Miller might give the flying business a go.

Hey, Man!

2006-09-15T09:41:00.000-04:00

Men's Journal has ranked the 25 best beers brewed in America in their October issue. I would link you to their site, however, you will not be able to read anything about beer, since none of the articles from their current issue are available via the web. However, the Indy Channel has a nice piece, which you can view here.

Men's Journal is one of about 100 men's magazines, although MJ typically does not feature cover photos that elicit the word "buxom". There is also Men's Health, but the two should not be confused. Men's Journal appeals to the men out there who cannot feel like men unless they are doing (or at least reading about) activities that present a high likehood of death. For example, the September issue features a story on how to celebrate the 100 year anniversary of Devil's Tower being declared a monument by climbing it. Right.

Men's Health appeals to the "wanna-be playas", and I am not aware of them rating beers, but since I never read it (I stopped trying to be a playa years ago), they may very well rate beer every single issue. But since it's Men's Health, you would expect an article like "25 Beers To Drink Through A Funnel" or "25 Beers That Cost Less Than a Nickle", or "25 Beers To Drink When You Realize You're A Loser". PBR figure prominently on all three lists.

Now, back to the list. Of the top ten, I am particularly fond of Brutal Bitter, by the good folks at Rogue, yet another example of the Still Life Crew's Rogue bias.

Bohemian Rhapsody

2006-08-06T16:18:00.000-04:00

As a beer country, the Czech republic simply does not get the respect it deserves. Bohemia is home of the venerable Pilsner Urquell, the very first pilsner, which is one of the world's most copied styles. In fact, considering that Czechs drink more beer per capita than any other nation, one might be tempted to call the republic the beer country.

Hence, beer lovers will be pleased with a piece in today's New York Times on beer tourism in the Czech Republic. For those drinking at home, try the above-name pilsner, or go for a Czechbar, what Budweiser Budvar is called here in the states.

Drink Beer. Ride Faster. Lose the Tour.

2006-07-28T09:30:00.000-04:00

Even non-cycling fans know that Floyd Landis is in some kind of trouble. An "A" sample of his blood showed a high level of testosterone after his heroic win during stage 17 of the Tour De France. Now, if the "B" sample also proves positive, that's not good. HOWEVER...

Could it have been the beer? Landis reported drinking a beer after his epic collapse during the 16th stage. Beer increases testosterone level in your blood, according to a study done in 1996.

Unfortunately, you have to drink a lot of beer to achieve the testosterone levels that he achieved. So unless his beer was really an entire keg, Floyd needs a different defense.

Seriously though, I hope it's not true. Not because I think he didn't do it, because, frankly, almost every cyclist dopes. There's a word for cyclists who don't: losers.

But I like Floyd. He seems like a good dude. He's a beer drinker. He gives me hope: I'm a beer drinker too, and someday, I, yes I, could win the Tour De France.

Jeff Learns the Delight of Real Ale...

2006-07-18T08:20:00.000-04:00

And suffers from real ale withdraw symptoms, all in the same pub. As a huge fan of cask conditioned English ales, I know the feeling.

CAMRA holds it's annual festival in just a few weeks; I spent a glorious few hours there last year, which is not nearly enough time: with over 500 beers available, and since you cannot order them by the teaspoon, it all gets a bit overwhelming, particularly if you like to drink responsibly.

One more thing about Jeff. He's holding a full english pint, 20 oz versus the U.S. 16. CAMRA is an advocates "honest pints": British consumers get shorted 8 out of ten times they order beer, by too much foam, glass not filled, glass too small, etc, and CAMRA is trying to change that. They also fight for historic breweries and pubs.

We would benefit from such a group. While in St. Louis earlier this year, I had an opportunity to go to a Cardinals game in the new Busch stadium. A 16 oz Budweiser cost $7.00. No, not Czech beer, the American Budweiser, the one without flavor. Yeesh.

The next question is, "what was he drinking?"

2006-07-17T08:43:00.000-04:00

Don't do this. Please. Don't drink and drive. Know your limit. Get a designated driver. Know when to say when. Take the keys. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Drink responsibly.

And tell Pete Coors.

Lady Beer

2006-07-14T17:42:00.000-04:00

Researchers in the Czech Republic a re developing a beer that helps women deal with menopause. It has something to do with phytoestrogen, and when I said the word phytoestrogen to my wife, she was like "What do you know about phytoestrogen?" And I was like...."uhhhh..."

I do know that if this works, it may be within the reach of researchers to create beers that solve all sorts of health things. How cool would it be to have a beer that induced weight loss? Gave you muscles? (real muscles, not "beer" muscles.) Cured acne? Made you smarter?

Or course, beer makes you feel smarter, which is a start. But I'm hopeful.

Interesting fact: do you know what Xena, Warrior Princess called her sword? You guessed it: phytoestrogen.

Brew Organic

2006-07-13T21:08:00.000-04:00

Ahh, the pastoral beauty of an organic world. Majestic, healthy trees, babbling brooks you can drink out of, children who don't have arms growing out of the back of their heads. Yes, doing away with chemical fertilizers and pesticides is nothing but good-good-good.

So it seems to make sense that organic beer would be good for you. And yet, there is trepidation out there when Anheuser Busch introduced two organic beers into several test markets.

So what's the deal? There is concern, perhaps legit, that when a great big player enters the organic market, they will be motivated to get the government to the lower standards of what makes something organic. They'll put the economy-of-scale beat down on organic farmers. They'll screw everything up. It's the same fear organic enthusiasts have about Wal-Mart, who recently announced it's intentions to expand their offering of organic food.

The counter argument is, of course, that if A-B offers organic, organic will be cheaper. More significantly, organic malt and hops will be cheaper. That's an issue. I homebrew, and I consider organic, but compare grain prices at the Seven Bridges Cooperative versus say, The Grape and Granary, and there's a pretty good jump in the cost of raw materials.

Now, as far as A-B organic offerings go (Wild Hop Lager and Stone Mill Pale Ale, if you're looking for it), I believe that the skilled craftsman at the brewing giant will be as succesful as ever at eliminating every last bit of flavor from their all natural beers. Flavorless and flawless, as the saying goes.

Me? When I want to love my mother through beer drinking, I reach for a Samuel Smith Organic Lager, readily available, or the less widespread yet very tasty Lakefront Organic ESB.

It's sort of related to hops.

2006-07-11T17:12:00.000-04:00

One from the hometown. For longer than anyone can tell, the Hockhocking Brewery building in Nelsonville Ohio has stood empty, but apparently not that empty. Police have found several marijuana plants on top of the dilapidated, but otherwise grand structure.

There is interest in redeveloping the brewery into condos and shopping space(what Nelsonville needs, and I hope you are getting my sarcasm.) In an odd twist, police are looking for the owner of the building as they investigate the garden. It appears that the guy who is developing the site forgot that he left his weed in it. Is it me, or is that a totally stoner thing to do?

DRINK THIS BEER: Moondog Ale, Great Lakes Brewing Company

2006-07-07T18:05:00.000-04:00

And drink this seasonal soon, as Moondog is out in limited release from the skilled brewers at Great Lakes.

Excellent from the tap or bottle, this is GL's version of an English Bitter: more bitter than English, I might say, but outstanding none the less. Great Lakes calls it a session beer, but at 5% ABV, I'm thinking you should bring a designated driver to that session (from the SLWB editor: always do that. Don't drink and drive, you dolt.)

The stats: 5% ABV, 25 IBUs, 100% tasty.

World Cup of Beer

2006-07-07T10:17:00.000-04:00

Good article from nj.com, a reporter and some friends created a World Cup of beer They called it the "World Beer Cup", apparently not knowing that such a thing already exists.

Anyway, England, represented by Sam Smith's Nut Brown Ale, beat Mexico's venerable Negra Modelo in the final. Considering how England faired in the actual football tournament, perhaps knowledge of this victory (and a pint or three of Sam Smiths) will help ease the pain.

One beer mentioned in this article that is well worth the effort to drink is Brazil's Xingu (pronounced SHIN-goo) Black Beer. It's hard to find, but really fantastic.

Drink Beer, Live Forever, Part 2

2006-07-06T09:59:00.000-04:00

Yet more research on the overwhelming evidence that beer is the healthiest beverage in the world, this time from the website Express India. This is a nice article, including a quote from a scientist who claims that beer is better for you than red wine. He's an Anheuser-Busch scholar (those really exist?) but whatever.

While there, check out the rest of the Express India site. Via the World Wide Web, one can be a world traveller without the expensive airfare and annoying case of malaria. And while you're at it, enjoy a Kingfisher, a popular Indian lager with a killer website to boot.

Beer on Beer Violence

2006-07-05T10:36:00.000-04:00

I found this on YouTube, via the website jaunted.com. You may very well find this helpful, dear reader (Literally. One person reads this blog.) the next time you are faced with opening a beer bottle without an opener, and your freak friend who can open bottles with their teeth is nowhere to be found.

Ohio Brew Week

2006-06-21T21:34:00.000-04:00

My town of Athens is perhaps the coolest place in America. It's like Boulder, minus the Rockies, plus the Appalachians, without all the smug Buddhists. We have hippies, true, but they are poor, get back to the land hippies, not Range Rover driving smug Buddhist hippies.

But alas, Boulder is a million times better in beer. The have the Avery Brewing Company, the Boulder Brewing Company, and simply by being in the same area code as Denver's The Falling Rock Tap House (perhaps my favorite place in America to get a pint) helps.

Finally, though, beer providence smiles upon my little town. Ohio Brew Week brings 15 Ohio micros to Athens July 17-22. Included in this shindig is a homebrew competition, where Asylum Ale will make its competitive debut. Fun-tastic!

World Cup Football Beer Guide

2006-06-01T10:23:00.000-04:00

The SLWB Office of Sports and Recreation considers the World Cup Soccer tournament to be the greatest sports spectacle on Earth. This year's event is being hosted by Germany, making it perhaps the most beer friendly sporting event ever. (This post was unedited by the Still Life Office of Hyperbole).

Hence, SLWB expresses it's deepest appreciation to the good folks at German Agricultural Society (DLG), who have produced a guide to German beer, with suggestions on what to drink when you are visiting Berlin, Cologne, or any other WC host cities. Added bonus: it tells you how to order your beer in German. Achtung!

DRINK THIS BEER: Hop Hearty Ale, New Glarus Brewing Company

2006-05-31T21:59:00.000-04:00

If you saw our earlier post, you know that drinking hoppy beers will keep you alive forever. Or something close to that.

But which to choose? We've run quite a few hop-laden brews through the Still Life test pub, with names like Blonde Hop Monster, Hopzilla, Hopicity, Super Mega Hops (we made the last one up). We've tried IPA's, Double IPA's and Imperial IPA's, and we say... enough already. We get it. There is a considerable number of hop-heads out there, and they are digging on these preposterously bitter beers.

But the Still Life Testing Crew? Not so much. We like balance. We like, dare we say, malt flavors. That's why we can recommend, without reservation, New Glarus' Hop Hearty Ale. This IPA is bitter enough for the hop head in your family, yet very balanced. Plus, the labels on New Glarus bottles make the beers look like they were made in someone's basement, which we think is pretty cool.

New Glarus was the mid-sized brewery of the year at the last Great American Beer Festival. And, as we said before, evidence shows that by drinking hoppy beers (like Hop Hearty) you may never die. Do not hesitate. Drink a New Glarus today!

Hops are a prostate's best friend...

2006-05-31T16:16:00.000-04:00

Well, maybe that's a stretch, but researchers at Oregon State University report that a compound found in hops is helpful in the prevention of protstate cancer.

Good news if you like IBU monsters like Stone's Ruination Ale. For my money, I drink Arrogant Bastard, and I am happy to report that so far, so good, prostate-wise.

Shaquille O'Neal To Raze Old Ballantine Building

2006-05-31T07:47:00.000-04:00

I like Shaq. Always have. And, give him props for showing Newark NJ some love, lord knows the town needs it.

But you would think there would be a better way to do this than to tear down the old Ballantine Malt House #3, the oldest existing structure from the Peter Ballantine & Sons. Why, you ask? To make room for luxury condos. Yes, condos are eating America. We at SLWB believe that if you made a list of historic structures killed by condos, it would be a pretty long list.

By the way, Pabst owns Ballantine now, with limited distribution around the country. Go to their website to find out if Ballantine is available in your town. No telling if it tastes as "special" as the beer those dapper dandies above are drinking.

"That's Ale, Brother!"

Rolling Rock rolls to New Jersey...

2006-05-26T07:16:00.000-04:00

Some brands are synonymous with the town in which they are brewed: Pilsner Urquell and Pilzen, Anchor Steam and San Fransisco, Old Milwaukee and...you get it.

As is Rolling Rock and Old Latrobe, or was. AB purchased Rolling Rock from Belgian brewing giant InBev last week in a deal that did not include the venerable Pennsylvania brewery. AB plans to move the brand to a brewery in New Jersey, and the Latrobe facility will close unless a buyer can be found by July 31. Union officials and Latrobe residents are calling for a boycott of AB products.

The Man, thy name is Anheuser-Busch.

Hey! Caffeinated beer!

2006-05-25T09:21:00.000-04:00

Wondering how to market "malt beverages" to the college drinking crowd? Here's how: add caffeine! American Business Daily reports that Miller has created their own super-charged malt beverage, Mickey's Stinger, to compete with rival Anheuser Busch's Tilt. Good drinkin!

But frankly, this seems like a bad idea. Do you want to see frat boys running around drinking caffeintated beer? Does that seem like a good idea to you? Nooo.

Here's AB's take:

“From happy hour to a night out at a club, contemporary adults are looking for innovative beverages that fit into their fast-paced, highly-social lifestyles,” said Pat McGauley, vice president, Innovation/New Products, Anheuser-Busch, Inc. “Tilt was developed with this in mind because it is suited to a variety of drinking occasions.”

OK then. Thanks Pat. Now some questions: What exactly is a "contemporary adult"? Because again, we at SLWB see these non beers being very popular among the 20something barbed-wire-tatoos-around-the-biceps-pimped-car-binge-drinking guy set. And "highly social lifestyle"? Is that marketing speak for "barroom brawl"?

Anyway, do not expect these drinks to make their way through the Still Life Test Pub anytime soon. We have yet to find a malt beverage that is even remotely enjoyable. They all tend to taste like Miller Lite mixed with Tang. Or, they taste like Zima, which tasted like, well, nothing.

DRINK THIS BEER: Juniper Pale Ale, Rogue Ales

2006-05-19T18:54:00.000-04:00

Our rating system is simple: we drink a beer, and we say, "Wow! This is very fine!", or we don't. There are plenty of sites that rate color, nose, head retention, finish, etc.

Not here. Beers make our list if we drink it, like it, and would drink it again. And Juniper Pale Ale, from the venerable Rogue Ales, is one we would go out of our way to drink.

It is brewed with juniper berries, although I have no idea what juniper berries taste like, other than they make a mighty fine ale. Another masterpiece from the good folks of Rogue.